February 14 – a date that either makes people giddy with excitement, or look for the nearest waste basket to heave in. Whether you want to spend the day swooning your significant other, celebrating your freedom, or drowning your sorrows with some kind of vice, here is how to do it on a budget.

For the Happily Single:
1 Gather up all your single friends and make fun of all the cheesy romantics around town. Head to the bar of a popular restaurant, (all the tables will be reserved) and snicker at the overdone hair and dresses (girls tend to forget it’s February and freezing). Snicker away over your martini and cozy turtle neck.
2 Rent empowering, brilliant, Oscar worthy films, such as “Legally Blonde” or “Pretty Woman,” and stuff your face with all things unhealthy; calories don’t count on February 14.
3 Look through your wallet or check your bank account on your iPhone and enjoy all of your hard earned money that isn’t going towards obnoxious, over-priced gifts. Or even better, buy yourself something; you’re the prettiest, smartest, most hilarious valentine you’ll ever have.

Lovesick Recently Single:
1 Gather your tissues, Ben and Jerry’s and the Notebook, or really any nauseating Nicolas Sparks movie or book.
2 Take pictures, notes or any memories from your ex-lover and have a scornful little bon-fire. Invite other bitter friends and make s’mores over the ashes of the idiot that lost you.
3 Pamper yourself. Spend the day getting a mani-pedi or, if you’re hard up for cash, give yourself one. Get a hair cut; it’ll do wonders for your ego. Go to your local drug-store and pick up a face and/or hair mask, most are only 99 cents. Fill up a pot of hot water and olive oil and stick your hard working feet in it. Invite a fellow single lady and give yourself one night to bash and judge and criticize anyone you want. Then wake up tomorrow, pull yourself together, and be the charming, independent, kind girl you want everyone to believe you are.

For the Lovers:
1 So five-star dining isn’t in your budget, yet you want to impress your loved one – cook something! Now, you’re either thinking “Piece of cake (literally)” or baffling over how to turn the stove on. While I am certainly the latter of the two, I’m going to tell you how to fake it. Those of you who have enough time on your hands to perfect the art of a flawless filet mignon or chicken cordon bleu, skip this. For all you normal people, think pasta. You can’t mess it up and it’s cheap All it takes is noodles, pre-made sauce, and parmesan cheese. If you really want to show off, slice up some fresh tomatoes, olives, mushrooms, etc. and throw them in. Toss a pre-made bagged salad and warm up some pre-made garlic bread. Pick up some expensive LOOKING wine or champagne, and voila.
2 Make something. Try a coupon book for your beloved filled with a variety of things they can cash in on. ( Get your mind out of the gutter). Fill the pages with promises of a home-cooked meal (see above), a date night, your treat, or (PG) massage or foot rub. Don’t rule out more practical promises, such as cleaning the whole house, doing the laundry and washing the car. Nobody can resist someone washing their car, just pray they cash that one in during the warmer months.
3 Take your special someone on a scavenger hunt around the house. For those of you that really want to step it up, take him all around town, at the end have their prize waiting. This prize can be a gift, service, or simply yourself.
4 Take a romantic day trip. Hike up in Yosemite or head up to Big Sur for the day. Take in the (free) scenery with your valentine. Pack a lunch and enjoy.