Most people see the flu as a bad thing, but I say “What’s so bad about it?” It gives you an excuse to avoid other people, to miss school and to not have to share food with your significant other. Late December through mid-January is flu season, so shut up and take the hit.

I see all of these tips on how to avoid the flu in every news outlet.  What makes people think they can avoid it? It’s not called “flu season for everyone but some entitled jerk who thinks that his errands are more important than everybody else’s.” It’s flu season for everyone. So, with that in mind, here are a few tips to make sure you don’t get left out and get the flu this season.

1. USE OTHER PEOPLE’S GERMS- According to Bob Dylan, “the answer my friends is blowin in the wind…” When you see a friend  prepping a nice cough or sneezing, don’t be afraid to jump all up in that. Just make sure that when they share their germs with you that you say “thank you.” Nobody likes rude people.

2. FLOCK TO OTHERS- Health.com says, “If you see anyone displaying symptoms  of the flu stay away” I say if you see these people, go to them. Hover around them like a member of a newly signed rapper’s entourage. Try to go everywhere they go, try to do everything they do, and once you get what you need then you can catch the flu and enjoy some quality time at home by yourself.

3. DON’T WASH YOUR HANDS- Every list mentions that you need to wash your hands, so if you want the flu just go against common sense and don’t wash them. Also avoid hand sanitizer like the plague. On a related note, don’t become the person who tells everyone to wash their hands repeatedly. I have never met anybody that likes that person.

4. STAY OBLIVIOUS TO YOUR SURROUNDINGS- Concentra.com gives the advice that people should monitor flu outbreaks in their communities. What kind of creepy advice is that? Imagine going up to your neighbors and asking about their flu symptoms. Instead of walking over to someone’s house and asking, “Hey Bill is your nose running today?” or “Hey Sue, do you have chills and are they multiplying?”, mind your business. Don’t worry about monitoring anybody else in your community and you’ll get the flu for sure.

5. BURT REYNOLDS- Get a hold of Burt Reynolds who was recently hospitalized with flu-like symptoms. As I stated earlier it is flu season, so you are more than likely going to catch it. So why not say you caught it from none other than “The Bandit” himself?. If you are not familiar with that reference go out and rent “Smokey and the Bandit” for Reynolds’ best film performance.

6. DRINK UP- Livestrong.com says “give up alcohol” to avoid the flu. I say “shut up Livestrong.com.”

So there you have it, since everyone else is telling you how to avoid catching the flu, I just gave you some fly ways to make sure you do catch it.