“What is your stance on friends with benefits?”

The Straight Perspective

Until a few years ago, I was adamantly opposed to the idea of “friends with benefits.” I would go so far as to scorn my friends for entertaining the thought.

Like most anyone who unacceptably holds others accountable for their way of life, however, I was in the wrong and have since had a change of heart.

That is to say, I had a friend with benefits. I believe deeply in monogamous relationships and maintained the creed during that chapter of my life. I found that sexual activity with a close and trusted friend did not affect my core values. That right there is cognitive dissonance in a nutshell.

Of course, ensuring that your friend is mature and on the level is paramount to the success of an advantageous friendship.

I for one value my friends and hold each of them in high regard. With that in mind, I personally reject the notion of pursuing sexual activity with a friend at the expense of the friendship itself.

If either you or the friend in question have a tendency to become emotionally attached and fear that your friendship could be adversely affected by either “the benefits” or by the prospect of eventually committing to a healthy, fulfilling relationship, then I would strongly advise against the practice.

The female with whom I had a “friends with benefits” relationship is a dear friend, not a sperm depository. During this period of our lives, neither of us would have ever disregarded what forged that friendship to begin with. She was entitled to my honesty, trust, monogamy and respect at all times. In turn, I was entitled to the same.

Ignoring and dismissing the importance of close friendships in pursuit of sexual opportunities is indicative of a person who lacks the maturity or empathetic wherewithal to maintain strong friendships to begin with. If you as a man or woman feel pressured by a so-called friend to get sexually involved, question their loyalty.

Personally, I find the superficial nature of sexual activity for the narrow sake of pleasure to be unattractive, deplorable and mutually degrading.

For those keeping up with these articles, you may realize that I am an ardent supporter of secure and healthy attachments. I have always opposed any activity that undermines the lifelong cultivation of healthy friendships and relationships.

Having said that, wine works in mysterious ways.