“Does size really matter?”

THE STRAIGHT PERSPECTIVE

Whether you’re packing or lacking, size doesn’t matter.

However, before getting caught up in the notion that it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean, remember that you’re probably indicating to women that you’re coping with lackluster loins by memorizing a series of small-penis proverbs. Besides, who’s to say that well-endowed alpha males aren’t also exceptional performers?

It’s becoming increasingly clear that the only acceptable measurement is displacement by volume. If ancient history serves, Archimedes’ eureka moment occurred when he dipped his erect penis into a bathtub and observed the rising water level. Some say it was his entire body, but the facts remain unclear.

Still, most modern assessments involve a measuring tape. There are claims that the average erection measures approximately 5.5 inches in length and 5 inches in girth. This is a generous statistic that not only demonstrates what it takes for a woman to feel satisfied, but also allows men to feel exceptional about themselves.

With regard to the opposite end of the spectrum, realize that a gigantic penis is not only a novelty, but a disability. To a certain extent—no pun intended—they deserve our pity and support, as do their victims.

In all seriousness though, regardless of your size, if a woman is bothered by that sort of thing, then she is unsuited for healthy and lasting relationships. Would you tell a woman that she’s not cutting it for you because her breasts are too small or too large? Your answer should put you at ease.