Just Know When to Ask Questions about the Trans Community

Caleb Owens-Garrett

More stories from Caleb Owens-Garrett

If I get a penny every time someone asks me “stupid” questions about being transgender, I will have more money than I could ever use in my lifetime.

The questions are constant and unrelenting and often create a lot of awkwardness like:

“OMG. Have you gotten surgery yet?”

“Have you started testosterone yet?”

“Like, which bathroom do you use?”

“Can I still call you by your old name?”

“Do you have to do sex work in order to pay for your hormones?”

“Do you worry about being harmed because you’re trans*?”

What if trans* people chose to ask the same uneducated questions about those who are cisgender?

For those who don’t know what cisgender means — A cisgender person is anyone who identifies with their sex assigned at birth. But, automatically, when an individual identifies as transgender, people immediately begin to see them through the stereotypical lens — just for being who they are.

You might ask why this happens — it is simply because we all were brought into a world filled with judgment, but as long as you are following society’s way of thinking, you aren’t a bad person.

Meaning, if you are following societal roles, then you are normal. However, if you are trans* and you have a variety of gender expression, then you are abnormal.
WRONG!

There are often assumptions about trans* folks about how they live their lives and how they approach the transition.

Like, c’mon folks! You do not need to know what the hell is in my pants, what I do with it and whether or not I have started my transition.

If someone wants to reveal this very personal information, they will. You should not pressure someone to share private information about themselves, nor should you assume something that may not be true about others for that matter.

For now, the judgement needs to cease and people in society need to stop stereotyping. There are several ways to approach a situation differently, in order to do that, you must think critically about what could potentially offend the person.

Like others, my sexuality is not all I’m about. First get to know me, and if and when I feel comfortable enough with you, I’ll share other things with you.

There are various instances where you need to be respectful at all times. If a trans* person wants to talk about surgery with you, their name change or how they feel, please approach the situation with open ears and a closed mouth, until they feel like answering questions, because they might not want to talk about it to the fullest extent, just ask them how they feel about discussing the matter.

It is important to respect boundaries of the people around you. First and foremost, it is not right to disrespect transgender people or anyone for that matter by stereotyping them and who they are without knowledge of them. Always ask questions in a respectful manner if you are curious about something, but never stereotype a person because they don’t feel like discussing their life with you.