Benefiting from your best friend?

I’m not sure it’s really such a good idea, but right now, that’s what I’m doing with my best friend. We are friends with benefits.

We’ve been really good friends for the past three years and started benefiting from each other at about the two-and-a-half year mark of our friendship. We were both single and had no better options.

So we texted for a while; the exchange went straight to the point.

He: “Hey, come get it tonight?”

I: “Hmmm, sure.”

That’s how simple it was. He had needs and so did I.

There was no need to play games, or drag it out. We knew and understood each other well.

One of the perks is that I knew, because we are each other’s best friend and shared each other’s deepest secrets, that we’re only having sex with each other and no one else (as far as I know).

We first agreed that no matter how far we went, that aspect of our relationship would never become anything serious. We vowed we would not lose our close friendship because of a sexual relationship.

In other words, we agreed to separate the two relationships.

I thought that having sex with him would complicate things and that my feelings would get in the way.  

But to my surprise, no “in love” feelings have surfaced. We both understand each other–I know it doesn’t really make sense–but we both understand what’s going on and keep reminding ourselves that our friendship is more important than an actual relationship.

I think about how people say, “Make sure the person you are with is your best friend,” and honestly, he is already my best friend…and partially my lover.

There was a point in our friendship, long before we started this “benefits” arrangement when I did cared for him more than just a friend. I then quickly decided to let those feelings go. I’m now starting to second guess myself, I often wonder if my previous relationships failed because he has actually been the one for me and I for him.

Do I recommend having benefits with your friend or best friend? No, especially if you know you have feelings for them, or you’re thinking that doing this will bring you together.

At this point in time, I don’t think my friend and I should try to be together, but maybe in the future, it could work out to be something great.

I’m scared of what is going to happen if one of us gets into another relationship. What is going to happen to our friendship? To us? Because at this point, can I really just still call him my “best friend”?

Once you’ve crossed that sexual line, I don’t think it’s “just friends” any more. It’s something deeper.

It is hard not to think about the “what ifs” of the situation, but I don’t dwell on it. Most importantly, we know where each of us stands when it comes down to what we’re doing.

My girl friends are confused that he and I don’t think it’s weird or awkward, but I think we’re just really comfortable with each other and trust each other.

Obviously there may be some feelings there. Of course I do care for him, and I do have love for him, and he feels the same about me, but he’s afraid of losing my friendship which is more important than risking a relationship with each other. And I completely agree with him.

I think one thing that has really kept me from getting my feelings deeply involved is that I don’t think this will turn into something more.

It’s crazy how you can have a deep connection with someone, and it still not be enough to commit.

Our friendship hasn’t really changed, but we’re much closer than how we used to be; we talk almost every single day for hours at a time, so I would say it actually brought us closer than what we originally were.

Real talk, I would not recommend this, because this could have easily turned into a complicated mess and our friendship possibly ended.  I do care for him.